Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The best revenge is premature balding
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
