i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The struggles of a small town man whore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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