Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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