The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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