Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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