I just threw up on my dentist
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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