How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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