Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
