Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
