Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
