Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
