Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
