I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Couch. On fire.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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