shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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