The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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