if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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