I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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