Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
