Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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