I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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