how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
