we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
