that's an acceptable place to lick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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