It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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