oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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