Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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