I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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