So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A bitchslap is in order.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
