Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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