So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
