Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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