Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
