his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
