We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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