I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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