literally had 100 drinks last night.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
