my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
