i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
