You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
