I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
