11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize