your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
