ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
