Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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