The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
