Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize