that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Floor bacon is actually really good
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