jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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