erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
