I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
