You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
