I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
