I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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