My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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