I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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