Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
