got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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