You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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