i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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