Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize