So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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