Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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