I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
