you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
