My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
