Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
