you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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