you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
