On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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