I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
